Panty Liners to the Rescue

Oh, yes I did.

I'm pretty sure that I did not make this up. For the life of me, I cannot remember where I saw it but IT WORKS.

I am always so self conscious about pit stains. It goes back to high school when I raised my hand in class and the girl next to me, who was kind- of a friend, told me to keep my arms down because I had awful pit stains. She wasn't mean and didn't make fun of me to my face but I was mortified. The shirt I wore today was silk and my office is always stuffy. Just thinking about the pit stains had me sweating before I even got dressed.


I grabbed two of my U by Kotex thin liners and stuck them to the armpits of my shirt. It looked so ridiculous and funny and naturally, I tweeted about it. Some people laughed, some asked "WTF?" and others were intrigued.

I checked my shirt all day long.
No stains and they stayed where I had put them. I was impressed. I will definitely do this again. Who knew panty liners could be so useful?

Beauty is Pain

We all know that. A few years ago, I was Gwen Stefani blonde. I processed my hair, by myself with a $10 box of bleach. Oh, my gosh. The color was so wonderful, despite the 3rd degree burns and the subsequent clumps of hair falling out.

Anyway.

Our newspaper has a section on its website called “Seen”. A photographer goes out to local events, takes pictures of participants and posts them for everyone to see. It’s a great distraction from work, really. Who knew there were so many philanthropists and socialites in the area? I have noticed one thing that bothers the shit out of me though.

These fancy women always take their shoes off. Um, ew.

I get it y’all. I GET IT. I, too, have worn uncomfortable but fabulous shoes. I remember when I was in college and I wore 4 inch heels with my Halloween costume. I walked home one whole mile, on a drunk holiday, in a college town, through eggs/vomit/other questionable fluids……BAREFOOT. My feet hurt so bad and the booze was not helping at all. But I was 20 years old and unrefined!

I feel your pain, ladies. However, you are the Fancy Pants of the area. You donate money to charities. You Golf clap while perched next to your affluent husband. You shake hands, you kiss babies. Why the hell would you take your shoes off in a public place? Did you know that you can get Athlete's Foot from your own bath tub? Imagine all of the shit crawling around on the linoleum floor of a museum? Yikes.

Get yourself a pair of Spare Soles and call it a day. Seriously, they fit right into your glittery clutch. They also prevent you from catching a virus that has yet to be named or worse- being photographed in public without your shoes on.

Gross.