Beauty is Pain

We all know that. A few years ago, I was Gwen Stefani blonde. I processed my hair, by myself with a $10 box of bleach. Oh, my gosh. The color was so wonderful, despite the 3rd degree burns and the subsequent clumps of hair falling out.

Anyway.

Our newspaper has a section on its website called “Seen”. A photographer goes out to local events, takes pictures of participants and posts them for everyone to see. It’s a great distraction from work, really. Who knew there were so many philanthropists and socialites in the area? I have noticed one thing that bothers the shit out of me though.

These fancy women always take their shoes off. Um, ew.

I get it y’all. I GET IT. I, too, have worn uncomfortable but fabulous shoes. I remember when I was in college and I wore 4 inch heels with my Halloween costume. I walked home one whole mile, on a drunk holiday, in a college town, through eggs/vomit/other questionable fluids……BAREFOOT. My feet hurt so bad and the booze was not helping at all. But I was 20 years old and unrefined!

I feel your pain, ladies. However, you are the Fancy Pants of the area. You donate money to charities. You Golf clap while perched next to your affluent husband. You shake hands, you kiss babies. Why the hell would you take your shoes off in a public place? Did you know that you can get Athlete's Foot from your own bath tub? Imagine all of the shit crawling around on the linoleum floor of a museum? Yikes.

Get yourself a pair of Spare Soles and call it a day. Seriously, they fit right into your glittery clutch. They also prevent you from catching a virus that has yet to be named or worse- being photographed in public without your shoes on.

Gross.